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 Monday, September 26, 2011  26 sept 2011 @ 7:25:00 PM Sunny...
Another long working day, it has become a daily complaining day ever since I start my working life.
Freedom is so far away. Why would life be so tiring when everything is rushing towards u! Hais. Reports to submit daily, unlimited office work.
Lots of stress n tiredness...
Going hm to rush reports! Pray hard!
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Wednesday, December 30, 2009 My fault @ 12:25:00 PM i believe in karma and karma believe in me... Zzz lame right.. We always say Meilin this, meilin that... NOW our clique always blame everything on me... When they did not know that there is a project meeting, all fingers point to me.. When i accidentally dozed off or dun reply their msgs, i will receive msgs that are hurtful... Then when my connection is low and there is errors, its my fault... But when there are errors in their computers, i must understand... I hate myself for who i am... so weak... always crying... WHY ARE U CRYING AGAIN!!! WEAK!!!! Why is the world so unfair? WHY!!! its always my fault... P/S: Katherine lau... Just rmb one thing k... ITS ALWAYS YOUR FAULT!!!
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Tuesday, December 22, 2009 mood swing @ 11:41:00 PM These few days of daydreaming and memories flow changes my mindset alot... For the past few years (since i retain), i have been telling myself that not getting an A = i am stupid, useless, lazy and impossible... i have been having a mindset that if i dun get A, i should flare, should be angry, should be slapping myself... Everytime if i get grades that are not A or dist, i will keep flaring at myself and my friends... i will also cry the whole night or slap myself... I will feel useless and stupid... I always keep reminding myself that i am a retain student, I AM A RETAIN student... if i dun get A = I am retain AGAIN!!! i forgot that if i get a B, i will still make it to the next level... everything i dun get A, i will blame ppl, when i dun blame people, i blame myself... i start to get busy, get fierce, get angry easily... After getting my IPP results (B) and heard my Entre tutor say i do wrong for pricing, i cry the whole morning AGAIN... but this time, i realised one important thing when i am bathing to go school... "WHO IS THIS GIRL IN THE MIRROR?", "Why is she crying so hard?"... this is when i realised why am i crying when i get B? because i didnt work hard? because i wrote the world's WORST report? No... because i am afraid that i will retain again... then i cry again... this time why? cause i know that i cant get into Singapore University with my GPA and i have to tell myself to give up trying to get good GPA... I am crying again now... thinking why did i work so hard to get all the Bs and Cs... i just have to slack to get the grades... no matter how hard i try, i will still get Bs and Cs... so as well as enjoy my last few months of poly to get the same grades... working hard = higher expectation = higher disappointment and everything will get back to the same position... Till now i dunno what i want, but at least i must get back to who i am and should not flare at my loves ones anymore... controling my temper and trying to get back to my age instead of worrying everything on earth...
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Friday, November 20, 2009 I HATE MY SISTER's group of good for nothing friends @ 7:18:00 PM Sometimes i really think this world sucks big time... My sister is starting to be nice, friendly and understanding these few months.. BUT her group of FUCKING asshole friends have to come to her and start to ask her out again!!! You know how much effort the whole family takes to change her... My parents will grow old and my elder sister will marry... In future, What if i die or what if i get marry too... Who will take care of her? Her friends are not going to be there... Why cant they leave her alone... My sister starts coming home late recently, she starts to have short tempered.. She starts to scold me for nothing.. When i fought back with her, she use those fucking staring method to look at me... In front of mum, she charged towards me... I can feel that at any moment she is going to kill me... People blamed me for being hot-tempered, for being xiao qi... Have they being through all these? Sometimes, i really feel like running away from home.. i dunno why... BUT i cant leave my parents alone... KNN!!! FUCK... ASSHOLE... I DUNNO LA...
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Thursday, November 19, 2009 motivation running low @ 12:54:00 PM Energy and motivation running low these few days... Many mix feelings, and memories drowning me.. What do i want to do in future? Stay in Mcd till i get experience? Go out to the world and start my office job? Continue studying in University? What do I want in future? Motivation is slowing returning to me.. I must continue to chiong since it is the last sem... Everything can wait (I believe).. I have met up with some of my friends these few weeks, i realised that most of them were hurt by relationships... Something that i have stop being interested since few years ago... I am too busy to think of things like these.. So the feelings stop there.. Although i still receive msgs from HIM, i am now controling myself to not reply him... I have deleted all the photos, contact, and msgs from him... I will move on.. No point waiting for someone who never speak the truth at all... I enjoy movie time with Joey, Mingli, and my two best friends (LYNETTE LIM AND TAN JIALI) Upload pics soon *wink wink*
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Wednesday, November 4, 2009 I hate myself @ 5:31:00 AM I always wanted to bring my parents out whenever they are free... Let them try all the food on earth... Abit impossible i know... I am always envious with people who are able to accompany their love ones out... I managed to bring mom shopping today... We both HATE Shopping... haha cos tiring... But i want her to eat different types of food... Seeing my parents aging really hurts me alot... Seeing their health getting worst hurt me even more... I havent have the ability to let them enjoy yet... I hate myself for being young, useless and poor... I MUST WORK HARD!!! LEARN DRIVING!!! GET A CAR!!!Bring them around Singapore to try all types of food... They always hate traveling and Woodlands has no delicious dishes... I want them to have the BEST!!! I MUST WORK HARDER!!! Even if it means doing things i dislike!!! I HATE myself for having time to think of realtionships when my parents are aging!!! I am such a IDIOT!!!My resolution for next year will be:- Get a driving licence
- Get a job that earns alot
- Continue teaching tuition on weekends
- Bring my parents out every week
- STOP flaring at people I love and who loves me
- WORK HARDER!!!
- Pass polytechnic with flying colors
- Bring my parents overseas even if its just malaysia
- Slim DOWN!!!
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Always you @ 5:19:00 AM I tried to let go for the past 4 years.. Always trying... Finding new targets in life, kept myself busy... But you are always there!!! Just when I am letting go each time, you pop by... When you tell me you are working at XXX, i stopped going there.... Then just as i am happily shopping with my mom, you pop by... Say Hi... WTH... You always pop by and give the wrong idea... You always say things that light up the hope deep down... WHAT DO YOU WANT?P/S: DUN ASK ME ANYTHING!!!
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Monday, September 26, 2011 26 sept 2011 @ 7:25:00 PM Sunny...
Another long working day, it has become a daily complaining day ever since I start my working life.
Freedom is so far away. Why would life be so tiring when everything is rushing towards u! Hais. Reports to submit daily, unlimited office work.
Lots of stress n tiredness...
Going hm to rush reports! Pray hard!
|
Wednesday, December 30, 2009 My fault @ 12:25:00 PM i believe in karma and karma believe in me... Zzz lame right.. We always say Meilin this, meilin that... NOW our clique always blame everything on me... When they did not know that there is a project meeting, all fingers point to me.. When i accidentally dozed off or dun reply their msgs, i will receive msgs that are hurtful... Then when my connection is low and there is errors, its my fault... But when there are errors in their computers, i must understand... I hate myself for who i am... so weak... always crying... WHY ARE U CRYING AGAIN!!! WEAK!!!! Why is the world so unfair? WHY!!! its always my fault... P/S: Katherine lau... Just rmb one thing k... ITS ALWAYS YOUR FAULT!!!
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Tuesday, December 22, 2009 mood swing @ 11:41:00 PM These few days of daydreaming and memories flow changes my mindset alot... For the past few years (since i retain), i have been telling myself that not getting an A = i am stupid, useless, lazy and impossible... i have been having a mindset that if i dun get A, i should flare, should be angry, should be slapping myself... Everytime if i get grades that are not A or dist, i will keep flaring at myself and my friends... i will also cry the whole night or slap myself... I will feel useless and stupid... I always keep reminding myself that i am a retain student, I AM A RETAIN student... if i dun get A = I am retain AGAIN!!! i forgot that if i get a B, i will still make it to the next level... everything i dun get A, i will blame ppl, when i dun blame people, i blame myself... i start to get busy, get fierce, get angry easily... After getting my IPP results (B) and heard my Entre tutor say i do wrong for pricing, i cry the whole morning AGAIN... but this time, i realised one important thing when i am bathing to go school... "WHO IS THIS GIRL IN THE MIRROR?", "Why is she crying so hard?"... this is when i realised why am i crying when i get B? because i didnt work hard? because i wrote the world's WORST report? No... because i am afraid that i will retain again... then i cry again... this time why? cause i know that i cant get into Singapore University with my GPA and i have to tell myself to give up trying to get good GPA... I am crying again now... thinking why did i work so hard to get all the Bs and Cs... i just have to slack to get the grades... no matter how hard i try, i will still get Bs and Cs... so as well as enjoy my last few months of poly to get the same grades... working hard = higher expectation = higher disappointment and everything will get back to the same position... Till now i dunno what i want, but at least i must get back to who i am and should not flare at my loves ones anymore... controling my temper and trying to get back to my age instead of worrying everything on earth...
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Friday, November 20, 2009 I HATE MY SISTER's group of good for nothing friends @ 7:18:00 PM Sometimes i really think this world sucks big time... My sister is starting to be nice, friendly and understanding these few months.. BUT her group of FUCKING asshole friends have to come to her and start to ask her out again!!! You know how much effort the whole family takes to change her... My parents will grow old and my elder sister will marry... In future, What if i die or what if i get marry too... Who will take care of her? Her friends are not going to be there... Why cant they leave her alone... My sister starts coming home late recently, she starts to have short tempered.. She starts to scold me for nothing.. When i fought back with her, she use those fucking staring method to look at me... In front of mum, she charged towards me... I can feel that at any moment she is going to kill me... People blamed me for being hot-tempered, for being xiao qi... Have they being through all these? Sometimes, i really feel like running away from home.. i dunno why... BUT i cant leave my parents alone... KNN!!! FUCK... ASSHOLE... I DUNNO LA...
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Thursday, November 19, 2009 motivation running low @ 12:54:00 PM Energy and motivation running low these few days... Many mix feelings, and memories drowning me.. What do i want to do in future? Stay in Mcd till i get experience? Go out to the world and start my office job? Continue studying in University? What do I want in future? Motivation is slowing returning to me.. I must continue to chiong since it is the last sem... Everything can wait (I believe).. I have met up with some of my friends these few weeks, i realised that most of them were hurt by relationships... Something that i have stop being interested since few years ago... I am too busy to think of things like these.. So the feelings stop there.. Although i still receive msgs from HIM, i am now controling myself to not reply him... I have deleted all the photos, contact, and msgs from him... I will move on.. No point waiting for someone who never speak the truth at all... I enjoy movie time with Joey, Mingli, and my two best friends (LYNETTE LIM AND TAN JIALI) Upload pics soon *wink wink*
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Wednesday, November 4, 2009 I hate myself @ 5:31:00 AM I always wanted to bring my parents out whenever they are free... Let them try all the food on earth... Abit impossible i know... I am always envious with people who are able to accompany their love ones out... I managed to bring mom shopping today... We both HATE Shopping... haha cos tiring... But i want her to eat different types of food... Seeing my parents aging really hurts me alot... Seeing their health getting worst hurt me even more... I havent have the ability to let them enjoy yet... I hate myself for being young, useless and poor... I MUST WORK HARD!!! LEARN DRIVING!!! GET A CAR!!!Bring them around Singapore to try all types of food... They always hate traveling and Woodlands has no delicious dishes... I want them to have the BEST!!! I MUST WORK HARDER!!! Even if it means doing things i dislike!!! I HATE myself for having time to think of realtionships when my parents are aging!!! I am such a IDIOT!!!My resolution for next year will be:- Get a driving licence
- Get a job that earns alot
- Continue teaching tuition on weekends
- Bring my parents out every week
- STOP flaring at people I love and who loves me
- WORK HARDER!!!
- Pass polytechnic with flying colors
- Bring my parents overseas even if its just malaysia
- Slim DOWN!!!
|
Always you @ 5:19:00 AM I tried to let go for the past 4 years.. Always trying... Finding new targets in life, kept myself busy... But you are always there!!! Just when I am letting go each time, you pop by... When you tell me you are working at XXX, i stopped going there.... Then just as i am happily shopping with my mom, you pop by... Say Hi... WTH... You always pop by and give the wrong idea... You always say things that light up the hope deep down... WHAT DO YOU WANT?P/S: DUN ASK ME ANYTHING!!!
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